Bergg vs. Food TV

Monday, December 14, 2009

"Bergg vs. Food" - Challenge #1: The "S.O.B."

Challenge accepted on: December 10th, 2009 @ 8pm
Challenge results: Food wins over Bergg
Running tally: Bergg-0, Food-1

Greetings all!! Our first "Bergg vs. Food" challenge takes us to the outskirts of the Milwaukee downtown area, to the "Home of Milwaukee's Best Burgers".....Sobleman's.

On this frigidly cold winter night, our thoughts were; what better way to warm our hearts and spirits than to kick start this extravaganza with the first challenge! So.....with a quick call over to Sobleman's, a couple friends, and a determined Bergg, we were on our way!!

As we pulled up to Sobleman's, the majority of us were concerning ourselves with how we were going to bare the cold and run as quickly as we could to get into the warm, cozy Pub. When looking at Bergg's face, one would not have gotten this same feeling.... This was a face of complete determination. A look reminiscent of the great Muhammad Ali, as he gleams at his opponent, starring him down with eyes of fury, as to silently say: "you have already been conquered..." So with determination and intrigue, we all ventured into the pub, and took our seats.

As we sat down at one of the open tables, we happened to notice that we coincidentally picked a table housing a framed picture of who we would soon learn was Bergg's opponent, the defending "S.O.B." champion. Pictured right there in front of us was a man who, as of November of this year, had set the new "S.O.B." record, joke, 9 1/3 pound burger patties!! As Bergg looked at the picture of this man and the tower of meat he had successfully taken down, a look of concern came across his face.......BUT, this would not defer Bergg from his goal. As the waiter got around the table taking orders, it came upon Bergg to make that ultimate decision; wimp out.....or go for it? "I'll take the "S.O.B." challenge, 10 patties, let's do this!!" Let the games begin, Bergg was in!!!!

Now before I continue, lets review the rules and requirements of this great feat. As stated before, this monster burger consists of 10 1/3 pound beef well as 10, count 'em, 10 pieces of bacon, and 40 pieces of American cheese! The shear number of patties, bacon, and pieces of cheese is enough to astonish anyone, but lets break this down: that's a total of 3 and 1/3 pounds of meat, almost 3 and a 1/2 packages of cheese, and what we can only estimate to be a considerable amount of bacon from a decent sized pig.... Needless to say, this was no small task!!

So, with a full beer and fear beginning to creep into his eyes, Bergg was beginning to strategize in his mind. Before we knew it, with a steady hand and eager eye, the waiter carefully placed this giant tower of meat in front of Bergg. As the "ooo's" and "ahh's" of the spectators in the restaurant began to fill the room, a dead silence came over everyone at our table. It was clear to us all now…..the challenge had officially begun!
The preliminary methods chosen by Bergg were very successful….at first. His strategy was to take two patties at a time, breaking this beast down to 5 double cheeseburgers….much more manageable….right?... As the rest of us began to chow down on our diminutive single burgers and fries, we looked at Bergg with awe. Could it really be done? Could he possibly succeed in getting this enormous amount of meat, cheese, and bacon down? We would soon find out!

As the minutes flew by, and the beer and conversation continued to flow, one couldn’t help but feel the gleaming eyes of spectators from surrounding tables begin to turn our direction. Though Thursday Night Football was on one television and ESPN blaring on another, it didn’t seem to matter to anyone. There was a new game in town, a new form of entertainment, an act of heroism and courageous efforts to be seen..…..this was Bergg’s time!!

So, with the support of the entire Pub, both costumers and staff, Bergg was determined to continue divulging on this feast. At this point, we have reached the halfway mark in what I like to call the “Pattie Count”. To clarify, this means that Bergg had successfully finished 5 patties (that’s over a pound and a half of meat!!), and numerous pieces of bacon and cheese. At this point, the mere smell of meat was beginning to make even me sick. (keep in mind I had only finished half of my single burger in this time….so I had nothing to complain about!) It began to show in Bergg’s face, both in expression and coloring, that he was beginning to slow down. Was this it? Had he reached his point of standstill?......No, not just yet!! With a bit of encouragement and support from all of us at the table, he was back at it!

Several minutes, and 3 patties later… was clear, that was all mighty Bergg could handle. While he tried his best to shovel more meat in, it almost seemed to dejectedly fall right out…as if his body refused to take any more. It was official….he couldn’t take anymore….sadly, food had won over Bergg this time.

Now, before we all sigh in defeat and sadness, let’s break this down one last time. In Bergg’s astounding efforts, he had successfully finished a total of 8 patties, 5 pieces of bacon, and about 30 pieces of cheese!! That’s almost 3 pounds of meat!! Truly a courageous attempt to become the new champion. As we looked down at what was left, thought back to the picture in our heads of what it was to begin with, and the applause from spectators began to engulf the restaurant, one couldn’t help but to get goose bumps. In his attempt to kick start this long lasting challenge of becoming food champion at various destinations around the city of Milwaukee, Bergg had really set the bar high. This just goes to show how determined and driven he is to prove himself, and show the world that he too can conquer the food world. So Bergg, my hat goes off to you in your exalted efforts and various struggles to become the reigning champion of Sobleman’s….and if anything at all should be taken from this, it’s clear to us all, you truly are one tough “S.O.B.”
That's the skinny, and I'm sticking to it!!.....Until next time....Cheers!

1 comment:

  1. Dam dude, next
    .. lets keep it going